some girls wander by mistake.

this morning i went to harcourt for a brief meeting. i had forgotten what a sullen, depressing place it was (always liking my job there but hindsight is a completely different perspective)--i passed familiar faces that couldn't be troubled to upturn their downed-corners, let alone say "hey, what are you doing here?" the meeting went fine, except my decision last night to dye my hair (temporary rust red with a purple streak in the front--i pulled it back for professionalism) stained my fingers.

i returned to work to find a happy birthday banner over my emac, 2 cards, a cake, and 4 black balloons at my desk. even better was to discover from bethany that the office was baffled as to why jeff got me black balloons ("does she turn 30?" "does she hate birthdays?"). it's like, i can't explain why they're perfectly suited for me if you don't already know.

"is she gothic?"

*friday was weird. i spent friday morning at work with anxiety, because my department does this birthday-card-inquisition where everyone in the department [35 people?] comes over, and give you a card/watch you open them all. last year was nice, because i hardly knew anyone and it was a warm way to be welcomed. this year, however, all morning went by and i kept expecting it...by lunchtime i figured they had forgotten and was relieved. by after lunch i was sort of bitter at the fact that i was invisible, unless it comes to doing massive-amounts of work, and then conveniently i'm an eyesore. so, by afternoon i admit i was feeling rather gloomy. around 4:30pm, the HR guy called me down to his office. he "regretfully informed me" that the opening in my department--my friend lynnette's old position--was filled, and they chose the other temp in my department. why i'm worthy of defying logic and chronology is beyond me: said temp is younger, less qualified, and has been with the company for less time. but! she taught, and again, that seems to be the scarlet "A" i wear on my chest, as i haven't ever taught and don't want to. so, friday afternoon was not good. i went over to james' for some consoling [and food!], then went home. by evening i was feeling much better. sara came home and we got ready to go downtown--she was supposed to take me out for my birthday [we drove separately, though, and this will play into the story later-on]. met up first with ed at room 3nine, then ventured over to i-bar to meet up with teamradvak and co. bumped into starving_cynic and later, danielmath. everyone bought me birthday drinks, and it was glorious. after being downtown for a while, sara frantically came into i-bar, saying her friend locked her keys, her spare keys, her wallet & cell phone in her car. i said she could borrow my car to go back home and get her second set, but that before she went, she should at least see if a cop would help. sara disappears, not to be seen again until well after 2am, at which point i am a) drunk and b) worried sick/pissed. other than that debacle, i truly had a great night. lots of friends stopped by to say hello, and good music was played [placebo at i-bar! james/the cure/good 80's at room 3nine!].

*saturday my mom & grandparents came over to the house for my technical-official-day-of-birth [1:39 PM]. i opened presents, helped sara move a bit more, and also moved one of my bookshelves/gazillion books downstairs. after they left, james took me out to buca di peppo for dinner, and we ate. a lot. came home, beached, and hung out. i cleaned and organized for the party. it was nice and relaxing and appropriately low-key.

*sunday there was a 2pm "surprise" sara & james had organized. we got breakfast, and headed to maitland towards my unknown location. we got lost, many times, thanks to stubbornness [sara] and flakiness [james], but it was hysterical. i had no idea what was going on, or where we were headed. they had to call 411 for the number/directions, and hummed loudly so i couldn't hear the details. but james kept saying "sportsplex--damnit!" as though i knew what that implied. well, i didn't. i was blindfolded in, and totally surprised. we skated until it hurt, which embarrassingly enough didn't take long, but it was totally fun. came home, and i started to get ready while everyone else took care of food. this gathering was meant to be just a small group of friends, and so i was grateful for such a laid-back tempo--i didn't even decorate! or do anything to stress me out! or crave xanax or liquor! it was very nice. everyone, for the most part, participated, and the costumes were very awesome and creative. i finally got to hang out with/talk to raptorgirl, mitejen and fairyphotos--it's starting to seem like i only see these guys at parties, so i've resolved to be different in the future. everyone stayed until 12 or 1, which was also nice--james & i cleaned up after the party and that was that.

thanks again for everyone who came, participated, and had a good time. this was the best birthday weekend i've had in a long, long time.

the A/C feels broken today at work, and i am a sweaty beast.

sometimes, the only things that get me through my day are:
*i-tunes/music [or: the ability to block-out irritating office chatter]
*mastery of a project/doing it right
*the occasional "breather" of email/lj/myspace
*diet coke

based on these grim and minimal requirements, i really could get a job anywhere and be moderately happy. so what am i afraid of?

they hired 3 summer-temps, all young teachers, in my department. so far, the loudest one [who happens to sit about where sandra dee used to] has expressed, loudly, in only two days:

*her love of shoes!
*her fear of driving on fastroads [so she drives 15 mi under the speed limit]
*her frustrating 20 minute commute
*how witty some adam and eve joke fwd was
*how exciting it is to have an office job!

am i doomed to live this life, just out of earshot from these people?
is this why i will never get promoted?

sandra dee has relocated/was promoted to my old department, and poor poor darling felix has to share a cubicle wall with her. bless his heart. she is the first/only vegetarian on the planet--i warned him to be wary of her tofu and soy delights.

EDIT: also, she is quoting office space and downloaded a sound-scheme for her work computer. the quoting i could live with, and in fact, might even ordinarily welcome. but she is LOL ROFL giggling and snorting about it with "the gals" and it's turning my stomach.

under no circumstances is it necessary to squeal, exclaim a co-worker's name, and say "come here!" whilst hugging said co-worker, just as a hey-it's-tuesday greeting. come ON.

[NOTE: she did it yesterday, too. i let it go.]

they make me want to hurt something.

today i am dressed as a zombie housewife.
you should've seen the looks, coming in the building.

i hope i'm not the only one dressed up today...

whenever IT comes to my desk, i feel an immediate rush of intimidation. they always have a way about them--justifiable, i suppose, by their superior computer knowledge--and even the most well-thought out question seems so trite, once spoken.

amplify this with the basic fact that i am a PC girl, in a MAC workplace. everything i say really does sound trite, because i don't understand a MAC's glory. i hate being ignorant, but there's a logic to a PC that a MAC just doesn't have for me. i'm constantly looking for a MAC "my computer" or "windows explorer" to seek out the files or applications i am looking for; i am constantly looking for an equivalent action.

today, this IT man came to my cube, clad in white sneakers and khakis. he asked to sit in my chair, and proceeded to scroll through my preferences. he chortled, "play a lot of cds, do you?" as he dragged the playlists to the trash. i said yes, feeling on the verge of getting in trouble [for what, i don't know]. he scrolled through the rest of my files and history, and i just stood there, turning red, like he was sniffing around my panty drawer right in front of me.

[Poll #315628]

the good:
first day of work went smashingly. it felt like school, returning after summer: the same ol' thing, with a different smell and different faces. i was nervous for no good reason, but totally at ease by afternoon.

the bad:
*khai spent last night and this morning throwing up and shitting blood. sasha took him to the emergency vet, where he had to stay during the day for some testing. i picked him up after work, where i was advised to keep a close eye on him all night. [nothing gets my maternal instincts going like the risk of something bad happening to my babies.]

*sasha works tonight, which means i need to stay home with khai. this means i have to skip the legendary pink dots and rasputina show tonight. i was looking forward to it, too.

the sad:
*last night after the margaret cho screening, sasha and i drove past our old house.



the yard was overgrown and all roped off with black plastic, and when we looked closer we noticed that the front door was missing. [this, late at night and in woodsy winter park, was a spooky combination of elements.] our old bedroom window had two signs up, but i couldn't make them out. we drove home kind of sad--most likely, whoever bought the house from our old landlord is probably tearing it down to build a half-million-dollar slab like they did next door. it just makes me sad, though. so many memories in that little house...