chouchoot | Entries tagged with inspiration

from "street haunting: a london adventure," by virginia woolf:

But what could be more absurd? It is, in fact, on the stroke of six; it is a winter’s evening; we are walking to the Strand to buy a pencil. How, then, are we also on a balcony, wearing pearls in June? What could be more absurd? Yet it is nature’s folly, not ours. When she set about her chief masterpiece, the making of man, she should have thought of one thing only. Instead, turning her head, looking over her shoulder, into each one of us she let creep instincts and desires which are utterly at variance with his main being, so that we are streaked, variegated, all of a mixture; the colours have run. Is the true self this which stands on the pavement in January, or that which bends over the balcony in June? Am I here, or am I there? Or is the true self neither this nor that, neither here nor there, but something so varied and wandering that it is only when we give the rein to its wishes and let it take its way unimpeded that we are indeed ourselves? Circumstances compel unity; for convenience sake a man must be a whole. The good citizen when he opens his door in the evening must be banker, golfer, husband, father; not a nomad wandering the desert, a mystic staring at the sky, a debauchee in the slums of San Francisco, a soldier heading a revolution, a pariah howling with scepticism and solitude. When he opens his door, he must run his fingers through his hair and put his umbrella in the stand like the rest.

james doesn't have a costume in mind yet (we try not to talk about this obvious major differences in our personalities). searching through a few keywords together (halloween costume men male sci-fi robot glam club kid -children -pets -porn) came up with some noteworthy finds. here are some of my favorites.

angelina jolie

all of these guys are great, but papa smurf's obvious bad attitude is my favorite
( more beneath the cut. )
--

last night's trial run was a success. plenty of people knew what i was (others didn't, but asked), i was asked to be in a lot of pictures. my favorite comment was someone asking if i was a cyclops asparagus, which i guess is a teaser/spoiler for those of you who don't know what my costume is yet.

one week!

excerpts from the collection of poetry i just finished by richard siken:

this is where he trots out his sadness. little black
cloud, little black umbrella
"unfinished duet"

--

i'm bleeding, i'm not just making conversation.
there's smashed glass glittering everywhere like stars. it's a western,
henry. it's a downright shoot-em-up. we've made a graveyard
out of the bone white afternoon
"wishbone"

--
your name like
a song I sing to myself, your name like a box
where I keep my love, your name like a nest
in the tree of love, your name like a boat in the
sea of love — O now we’re in the sea of love!
Your name like detergent in the washing machine.
Your name like two X’s like punched-in eyes,
like a drunk cartoon passed out in the gutter,
your name with two X’s to mark the spots,
to hold the place, to keep the treasure from
becoming ever lost. I’m saying your name
in the grocery store, I’m saying your name on
the bridge at dawn. Your name like an animal
covered with frost, your name like a music that’s
been transposed, a suit of fur, a coat of mud,
a kick in the pants, a lungful of glass, the sails
in wind and the slap of waves on the hull
of a boat that’s sinking to the sound of mermaids
"saying your names"

--

You are playing cards with three Jeffs. One is your father, one is your
brother, and the other is your current boyfriend. All of them have seen
you naked and heard you talking in your sleep. Your boyfriend Jeff gets
up to answer the phone. To them he is a mirror, but to you he is a room.
Phone's for you, Jeff says. Hey! It's Uncle Jeff, who isn't really your
uncle, but you can't talk right now, one of the Jeffs has put his tongue
in your mouth. Please let it be the right one.
"you are jeff"

at some point in adulthood you begin to worry about stagnation, about whether or not your memory has gutted itself from things that are significant (e.g., world war battle names, dates of inventions) for things that are positively useless (lyrics to michael bolton songs--NOT KIDDING). troubled that you are filled with these moments of music videos and internet memes and social media appetizers, but lacking the rounded interests you believed about yourself. at least, this is what troubles me when i am holding relaxation poses or before sleep: what is happening with my brain?* (also, sometimes, how come i never tried to learn piano?)

this territory, for me, feels both terrifying and exciting. because while i am terrific at putting my mind to something and forging a Plan, i have struggled with a lifetime of indecisiveness, polarized passions, and distractions. i always feel like my plate is full**. i am often looking for ways to fill it up even more.

like pretty much everyone on the planet, i recently started thinking (again) about going back to school. i graduated college in 2002 and have essentially been in the workforce (publishing) since receiving my bachelors degree. i think i always expected to go right back, but being involved at a major publisher excited me, as did later pursuits such as music and dancing and travel and photography.

my undergrad college experience was hurried and dispassionate. instead of cherishing the opportunity, i bulldozed my way through 5 years as a full-time student at a mediocre and massive university in florida, whilst working anywhere between one and three part- to full-time jobs. i also took a handful of graduate-level classes, interned with a literary magazine and an art museum. i took power-naps in cars and bathroom stalls; i fueled myself on so much diet coke it's astonishing. the only extra-curricular activity i participated in on campus was 2 years as a cast member for the rocky horror picture show (

wishingforrain , did we even perform that second year?). except a few GLBT meetings and english department events, i had virtually no connection to campus life: i saw the institution as means to an end, the necessary step to wherever i wanted to end up. i made decent grades without too much effort, and milked the florida lottery for more money than i'd ever hope to win gambling by earning a scholarship that covered 80% of my tuition. i busted my ass to get through it, but by no means put the same amount of fervor into my studies.

now i've been out of school for almost 9 years and always suspected i would go back. but i've been daunted by the prospect of out of state tuition, GRE studying and tests, balancing work/relationships, and being a student again. but more than all of this a feeling of je ne sais quoi; what is (or will be) driving me back to university?

there are many different answers, but all of them fall into two primary categories: fiscal health and mental health. and they are interconnected.

fiscal health is the fact that i am proud of my work ethic, career, portfolio of experiences, and ability to be employable. portland's job market and the economy (in general) make me hyper-sensitive that this area could also see improvement.
mental health makes up all of the other mess that floats around. that i haven't written fiction or poetry regularly in something like 7 years, created art seriously in something like a decade. the desire to learn new things, meet new people, be a vibrant part of some area. that i am a cluster of passions i have, had, and thought i had. a master of none.

something about this year has felt as though i have been walking slowly toward some major crossroads, like those cities in the middle of north america where you can see for miles and miles in any direction: no trees, buildings, mountains to obstruct you. i know they are there because i can see them, though the distance has obscured their details and direction.

laughingwoman tells me this is because my progressed sun is changing signs, which in astrology happens only once every thirty years. i have life lessons, she says, to learn from virgo, and i can very much see the beauty in that: of routine, of organization.

i am trying, now, to explore my horizon's options, without throwing myself wildly into any one area without proper consideration. i come from the school of more is more, but there is beauty and symmetry in simplicity, and well-chosen paths.

*a relevant side-note to this post--which touches on another post i hope to write in the near future--has to do with dopamine levels as they are triggered by social media and the internet. which is relevant to this post and to my brain, and to my internet addiction/quitting everything mentality. more on this, later.
**between you and me, i am never pleased when it starts looking empty.

this made me tear up a little.

i've acquired a couple pieces of art over the past month or so, and i was waiting for the final one to be finished (by my birthday) before making this post.

i. indonesian fool mask, date unknown

after passing this store for years, i finally made it into cargo, i miscellany import store with art, jewelry, and house decor old & new. i hadn't really expected to buy much of anything (though i was tempted by a selection of mexican day of the dead dioramas, and other unique pieces of art. what i didn't expect is finding a wall of masks, and falling in love with one. i carried him around the store, trying to decipher whether i was drawn to him out of pity or revelry, good luck or a bad omen.

when i made it to the register to make my purchase, a graceful older woman explained to me that he was a fool mask from indonesia, but generally the mask worn by someone in a performance (or at a party) who is brought in for often a macabre element of comedic insight. i can't remember now how old she said the mask was, or if it was unknown.

ii. bicycle love, g. parks

i saw this print at PONY CLUB during first thursday, where i believe i took both

verybadhorse and

albertmae on their respective visits. i saw the print on the wall, and knew i Needed it (i mean, seriously. look at it.), but both days i wasn't able to transport the print home securely. walking around downtown on a hot summer day with

m_peacecraft121, we passed PONY CLUB and i knew i had to make it happen.

iii. the city of lived dreams and the color purple, chris haberman

chris haberman, i love you.

this is the first commissioned piece of art i've ever purchased (and, quite honestly, save a few prints or hand-made postcards, i think this qualifies as my first piece of art ever). chris asked me a few basic questions as to what i wanted the picture to represent, and i told him i basically wanted something purple to hang over my faux fireplace. stating that he liked to treat his paintings as collages, chris asked a few more questions about my interests, and for a link to my photographs. i never saw a sketch, and this is what he came up with based on my picasa albums and what he learned from me in email. it is perhaps my favorite thing i've ever purchased, and every day i see something new in the painting that delights me. e.g., the 3 little faces in the bottom-left are my chihuahuas. all the cities i have seen, where all the people i love live. where i am from. what i love about this city. la plantation du paon, and even a mascot-worthy peacock. lovelovelove.

greetings, ye journalers and closet photographers.

this friday signals the beginning of a new year, and thus, for many of us, the beginning of project 365. some of you are already in progress, others are retiring, and others are starting anew.

let this be your invitation to join us in 2010 with a photo-a-day. and to make it easier, here's our support network of fellow photographers who are in it, hopefully, for the long haul:

project 365 in 2010 rollcall:

jupiterjuniper yours truly. took a year off after completing 2008. looking forward to a year of new images.

ph0enixinflight my partner in photographic crime. moderator of

project365_2010.

firthofforth amidst documenting her 38th year on the planet.

madmarty a talented photographer who came on board via the power of suggestion.

project365_2010 a showcase for weekly favorite photos, as well as inspiration from other participants. join and watch.
(maybes:

verybadhorse,

mareeuh,

muero_di_risa,

reqbat,

rockettestar and a handful of non-LJers.)

if anyone else is participating in project 365, please comment here and i'll add you to zee list.

--

i am actually really excited to begin again. 2008 taught me a lot of things about photography, and photographing something every day taught me a lot about my life. i used a fixed image shape--a square--for all images, and i was pleased with the uniformity and restriction of that template. for 2010, i've designed a template for portrait and landscape (which you'll see implemented soon enough), as means to also force uniformity but also give an overall coherency to the posts. like 2008, i plan on posting all photos at the end of the week (which means, one week from today, you'll be seeing my first 3 shots of 2010). i debated making these posts friends only or filtered, but decided instead to keep it public, so family, friends, and other non-LJ users can follow along. my entire 2008 set can be found here:

project 365 | 2008

as i often said then, to make this "work," you really have to define parameters that are appropriate for you. for me, it's this: a template; a weekly post; "day forgiveness" for dull weeks or particularly active days, wherein an image can be used for a different day as a placeholder for a photo-less day. that's me. it suits me.

i'm pretty excited to be shooting with 3 lenses this year, and if nothing else, am eager to get to know my new fisheye a little better. on many days i'm packing 2 cameras every where i go (a terrific point-and-shoot, canon digital elph, and my nikon D70). i've got so many ideas already for shots i want to take, but have been saving myself for 2010. and, well well well, wouldn't you know that it's about that time.

it came on like a fever, and, before i knew it, i was taping baseboards and window ledges. my dining room is now purple--same shade as my art room/office and the bedroom--which was effectively a "free fix" to what was troubling me. and that room was depressing me: i found myself eating nearly every meal hovering over a kitchen counter-surface. we had dinner guests over last week, and, as the four of us sat there, i realized that i hated that room in all its starkness: white walls, sloppy paint job (previous owner), awkward use of space, abundance of windows. even with a new light fixture (chandelier), i never liked sitting in there.

initially, i had fantasized about going in a different direction in that space, but textured walls and difficult angles had me daunted. i've wallpapered before, and it ain't fun. i held onto the possibility of stubbornly doing it anyway, some winter weekend where i didn't want to go anywhere. but the more i thought about it (the expense, the risk of doing a bad job and my eyes always finding the imperfections), the more it seemed unlikely.

but now, i've just eaten breakfast in a room i can live with. because lesson 1 is: there's no such thing as too much purple. and lesson 2, i suppose, is: it doesn't always have to be perfect to be good.

al & jeanie tomaini, residents of gibsonton (aka showtown USA) FL.

wiki: sideshow.
wiki: freakshow.
who?
Acrobats • Argyrians • Albinos • Alligator People • Anatomical Oddities • Arial Acrobats • Armless • Athletes • Ballerinas Out of Control • Bearded Ladies • Blue-Skinned People • Bug Boys • Cajuns • Carnies • Circassians • Clowns • Conjoined Twins • Contortionists • Daredevils • Diamond Dogs • Dime Museum Curators • Diving Horses • Dwarves • Dog Boys • Eccentrics • Escapologists • Elephant Boys • Equilibrists • Ethnic Curiosities • Extra Limbs • Fakirs • Fat Folk • Fiji Mermaids • Fireeaters • Forgotten By God • Freaks • Frog Folk • Geeks • Giants • Gypsies • Hairy Folk • Henry the Horse, Dancing the Waltz • Hermaphrodites • Half-And-Halfs • Hottentot Venuses • Hypertrichosis • Human Oddities • Human Pincushions • Human Skeletons • Hunchbacks • Human Canonballs • Killer Klowns from Outer Space • Knife-Throwers • Jocko Homos • Jugglers • Les Monstres Humains • Inside-Out Woman • Legless/Limbless • Lion-Faced • Little People • Lobster Folk • Long-Distance Travelers • Long Haired People • Magicians • Marionettes • Microcephalics • Midgets • Minstrels • "Missing Links" • Midway Marys • Modern Freaks • Musicians • Mutants • Oddballs • One-Man Bands • Ossified • Otocephales • Pain-Proof • Papa Lazarou • Parasitic Twins • Peirced People • Pee Wee Hermans • Pickled Punks • Piebald People • Pinheads • Plate-Spinners • Promoters • Puppeteers • Regurgitators • Ringmasters • Showfolk • Sirenomelus • Siamese Twins • Skin-Oddities • Snake-Charmers • Snake-Enchantresses • Stiltwalkers • Strong People • Stuntmen • Sweet Transvestites • Sword-Swallowers • Tattooed People • Thin Men • Thrill Performers • Tightrope Walkers • Torture Lovers • Trapeze Artists • Unusual Craftsmen • Vaudeville • Ventriloquists • Ubangis • Uglies • What is it? • Wild Folk From the Wild West

Current Music: erasure - chorus

WALLPAPER. WANT.

Current Music: manic street preachers

anyone want to join me in the scribble project? (thanks,

balladsofmirth.)

i think this might be my next project. something short-term, instantly gratifying, and non-committal. you can find the template here.

Current Music: jarvis - joyride (from songbook)

...a poll!

since i am no longer doing project 365, but i liked the routine/ritual of having a "project" and end results and deadlines, i'm looking for something else to do for this year. this can be something creative--writing, art, craft, creation of any kind--and does not need to be photography. i am asking you, dear lj-readers and followers of project 365, for suggestions.

please comment with an idea for a creativity-inspiring project for me (and maybe others, maybe you!) to participate in for 2009. i need at least one (but am open to multiple) project idea to begin!

EDIT: i have one idea already, which will be a combo of monthly self-portraiture + polaroid formatting. i want more though!

Current Mood: inquisitive
Current Music: america - ventura highway

i was amidst vegan chili prep, and realized i was missing an ingredient, so i took a quick walk to the market up the road. while they carry some odds and ends, they did not have what i was seeking, so i walked a few more blocks to our neighborhood grocery store.

can i just tell you? today felt like the first day of spring. and i'm not necessarily talking about the weather (highs near 50, clear, sunny, beautiful), rather the way all the businesses were bustling full of people: every storefront was open-doored; every patio table was occupied; people were eating and drinking and walking dogs and biking and playing music. there were people in shorts. there was a table full of long-haired hippie boys playing cards. there were kids drawing with sidewalk chalk.

and then--as if this great vision wasn't enough!--i walked on to the grocery store, where secret mountains appeared where i have never seen them before! it sounds so trivial...it's like, i know i'm surrounded by mountains, and on many occasions i do see them (mostly on bus, or varied high points in my biking or busing), but i have never seen them poking out, just beyond my neighborhood! they were dark blue, snow-capped, and amazing. i had to fight off ear-to-ear smiling, like a lunatic.

Current Mood: in love with portland
Current Music: james' random house music

today being the first day of 2008 also means the first day of project 365. thanks to some convincing from

ph0enixinflight, i decided to participate as means to document my year in images, and also to get to know my DSLR camera a little better.

the idea has caught on (other known participants:

fraxl,

makenmelodye,

firthofforth) and i'm excited to work towards this creative project. that said, i knew that i had to set parameters for myself in order to insure success. thus, i have decided:
-to post only once a week. uploading, resizing, and posting pictures every day for the next year seemed like i was setting myself up for failure. instead, i've decide to take pictures all week, choose my best ones from each day, and post the 7 images from my week on sundays/mondays.
-to stick to a set orientation for all images. since horizontal/vertical/resizing/cropping all create vastly different images, i've decided to limit myself to a square format: 470 x 470 pixels. i created the template in photoshop, so the challenge will be to choose compositions that work within a square image. in a way, it makes this easier, but further, i like the idea of all my images being consistently shaped, especially once there are hundreds of them.
-to work on self portraits. other than drunken moments in bathroom stalls, i've never really explored (serious/artistic) self portraiture. i'm just narcissistic enough to give it a try.
-to post images/explanations to livejournal. i just can't handle logging into yet another site, even though i think most people who are participating in project 365 are using photo-friendly forums. i was tempted to create a filter for this project, however i realized too many non-ljers have this URL, and i want access to these images to be public. to be fair to my friends list, i will only post once a week (see above) and use lj-cut to keep from driving you all crazy. to view just my project 365 images as their own page, use the tag feature.
-to search (magazines, google, etc) for inspiration when it's needed instead of quitting. of course, there's also the insta-inspiration of nature, pets, and people to explore, too, but i really want to try to get to december 31st without giving up.
-to ask for your participation. something has changed drastically on lj in the past couple years, as it seems like either people are just updating and not reading their friends' journals, or reading but not commenting as much (i'm guilty of both behaviors, regretfully). since posting weekly has an "interactive" quality, i ask of you (anyone who is reading this, or viewing the images) to please comment often. feel free to ask questions about an image or inspiration, suggest something you would like to see, or help me if you see something that could be improved (in photoshop, composition, or camera-settings).
-to do something "different" on leap day. since it's a leap year, technically this is project 366. i don't know how or what yet, but i plan on doing something a little different on feb 29th this year, to be determined at a later date.

so i guess that's it! here we go. happy snappin'.

Current Location: P D X
Current Music: depeche mode - stripped

so i created this document for my job, as a means to suggest some ways of cutting costs (in the long run) and being eco-friendly. i figured i'd post it here, in case any of you fine folks need the inspiration or kick-in-the-butt. feel free to pass it on: impress colleagues and bosses with your dedication to the company and your concern for the environment (hey maybe it'll get you a raise! it didn't get me one but who knows, right?). or maybe just modify your own usages and behaviors accordingly. anyway, here it is...( green efficiencies behind the cut... )

and check out this treehugger article, too. (thanks

ph0enixinflight!)

Current Mood: motivated
Current Music: wilco - poor places

a friend of mine said that earth is changing, cycling out souls and energy that doesn't want to be here anymore, that's no longer flourishing or growing. that this 9 year cycle is starting in june, perhaps linked to summer solstice and will be a rebirth, a renaissance.

i hope she is right, and if she is, i hope for great things to come.
we're on the cusp, the horizon.

Current Music: interpol - heinrich manuever (new single!)

this past thursday, i finally got my act together and attended first thursdays, orlando's attempt at being a real city with, like, cultural events and stuff. if i sound bitter, it's because i am: i've been attending (and, ultimately been disappointed) in orlando's cultural events now for about a decade. it's a sad state of affairs when even cleveland has you beat.

anyway, this month's first thursdays had my attention, because it's theme was the moulin rouge. as i arrived, i was happy to see two women taking the theme seriously, colorfully dressed as can-can dancers. chez vincent was catering the event, patrons were holding glasses of red wine and i overheard several people actually speaking french--i thought to myself, this might be ok. we paid our admission ($9, which is steeper than the OMA's regular admission price, and does not include any of the aforementioned food or drink). i read the brochure i was handed: "Spectaculaire France and C’est Paris – the lifestyle, the fashion, the food, the dance and, of course, amour…love! Admission includes access into the Museum’s special exhibition, Paths to Impressionism: French and American Landscape Paintings from the Worcester Art Museum."

one small room featured "art inspired by paris" by primarily local artist. the art was actually pretty good, with at least 5 or 6 significant works. we bumped into one of my coworkers there, who admitted she wasn't "arty" and i wondered if she was just there for the beer. the themed-exhibit was rather small, so we made our way to the main gallery, which featured the work of impressionists...not my favorite movement, but they did have some nice works in the collection. we explored the other legs of the museum, many of them unchanged since the last time i visited OMA. in the main area there was live music--it was the atmosphere that set "first thursdays" apart from regular museum hours after all--and the band struggled along awkwardly with mellowed-down lite jazz versions of bad funk songs. c'est nullement a paris.

before we left, james and i split a crème brûlé, which was délicieux. still, first thursdays left quite a bit to be desired, between awkward "easy listening" music that drowned out all conversation, and the same ol' same ol' works of the OMA. it's nice to see people coming out for this kind of thing, but yet again orlando struggles to pull off even the simplest cultural event, not really failing but not succeeding either.

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: the pretenders - my city was gone

last night i attended the mac papers show downtown. lured by the promise of freebie office supplies, food, and drink, how could i say no? i went with work-friends, bumping into more work-friends there...definitely a place to show up and be seen. what i was overwhelmed by is how much "industry" there actually is in orlando.

the show itself consists of many many booths of many different paper vendors. what's great about this is the samples! i got so much awesome paper--great little scraps and full sheets in experimental shades, textures, printing processes, inks, etc. my two favorites i wish i would've grabbed extras of, but it wasn't the kind of place where you look carefully before you grab your samples: instead, it's a rush of creative services professionals holding heavy angled bags, stuffing them full of whatever's available. my love of all this paper goes into two categories: 1) creative publishing stuff (as i oooh and ahhhh all i can think about is ways i could use this in books, mine or others) and 2) penpal letters, art deco books, and art collage projects! between the two, i am hoping to put all my samples to good use.

i do have to say that i'm feeling more and more inspired these days. while i'm getting a little out of the worlds-realm (i have forgotten what it feels like to be a writer), i am back inspired by colors and shapes and textures. in other words, my inner-artist is back. now i've got to put my money where my mouth is.

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: nick cave - the mercy seat (acoustic)

the past few days have felt like fun weekends, not work weekdays like they usually do. i think i've proven to myself that i'm able to stay up past my bedtime on a school night, and still function at work (though functionality cannot be promised from 8am-11am, but that's any ol' day).

tuesday night i spent with

ph0enixinflight, who has inspired and reawakened the parts of me i have, of late, felt so distant from. i may be on the horizon of really good things. it feels good to remember who i am.

wednesday a stiff breeze and drizzle named ernesto passed our way--schools and corporate jobs stretched the definitions and got the day off out of the deal. the reality was milder than our mildest thunderstorm, but i'll welcome a tropical depression over a hurricane any day.

last night was spent at a variety of bars with james and one of his best friends from boston. i stood in the rain at 1am, a little drunk but randomly inspired by the weather i love, the vacancy of the city on a wednesday night, the lights reflecting off of every shimmery puddle. it was pretty beautiful.

now today is thursday. work is swamped, i'm trying to catch up and leave things in an orderly way. tonight i will go home, i will eat and i will go to sleep; tomorrow before sunrise i will be en route to GA then NC.

this is the happiest i've been in a long time.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: the lucksmiths - if you lived here you could be home now

for the first time in over a month, i went out last night. ate at crooked bayou, which is becoming almost a regular haunt now, and then hung out at kNoCk KNoCk while james dj'd. he let me play for a little while in the beginning.

my demi-set:
the bolshoi - lindy's party
the bravery - no brakes
the bravery - fearless
interpol - say hello to the angels
franz ferdinand - this fire
donovan - hurdy gurdy man

that i know of, there's only one two girl djs in orlando. i actually used to drive one of them around when she was about 14 or so--she was a middle school friend of my sister's. i think this is a tragedy: djing should not be a boy's club.

anyway, last night was fun. shawn, brian, anna & ivonne all came out. there were also strippers. one of them was actually really pretty--the 3 others needed to eat. skinny is disgusting.

Current Mood: busy
Current Music: bright eyes - lover i don't have to love

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some girls wander by mistake.

Entries tagged with inspiration

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researching halloween costumes

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i would never say that the world is harder on me than it is you.

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project 365: 2010 edition

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